So the day has finally come where I feel as if I will never get more closure than what I discovered yesterday.
One of my good friends who is best friends with Virus told me what tipped my previous relatiosnhip over the edge. It was the moment, on that fateful Wednesday night where I offered to fly to Australia for a part of the summer to visit him. In his mind, that was the last straw. I had pushed our relationship over the edge.
Now I sit here and realize everything I replayed in my head for the past 6 months that could have destroyed my relationship had nothing to do with what really made it end. The questioning of why someone could say something as cruel as "I could never fall in love with you". Was it something about me? What was missing in my inner person that made it impossible for someone to love? None of it was close to what the final truth was.
In the very beginning, he didn't even want a relationship. Then he failed to mention to me that it was too fast for his liking, and when that final shove came, he came up with the cruelest way to make sure that I would never want to try again. The most heartbreaking words that someone can say to you is that you cannot be loved.
There were many factors to why we our relationship failed. Lack of communication, being on completely different pages (me moving to fast and him not even wanting a relationship he started), and moving too fast, indecisiveness, bad timing. I just never really realized any of what made it finally break until someone confirmed it.
I wanted to move forward and he didn't want to move with me at all.
Then I was hit with the most troubling question of all: "If I were to set it up, would you give him another chance?"
But would he even want to take that first step? And if I do dive in again, what makes it so that this time around he will be able to fall in love with me, open himself up to me.
