Still thinking about you

Intentions That were unintended

My intentions were just for one night, never did I want your presence to stay with me..but I guess having you on my mind is better than having my past haunt me, so thank you for that.

Make it Rain by Colbie Caillat

By no means am I a singer but sometimes the best way to express yourself..though the lyrics don't completely relate.. is to just sing.

 

Enjoy it, I promise it isn't great but it also won't make your ears bleed.

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When can I cut you out of my life, my thoughts, my heart

Fashion show recap

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The show was...different. But I still had a lot of fun with two of my great friends!

Private Practice Never Fails to Make Me Cry

Me and Liam....Taking the city by storm

Pumpkins and the finer things in life

Pumpkin Cream Cheese Muffins <3>

Hello October :)

I miss Li-Li

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I miss my nephew Liam beyond belief. Counting down the days until i go home on the 21st!!!

It can't get cuter than this

Fall is here

That means feather headbands, pearls, glitz and glam here I come <3

From far away - photo of the day

Who knew that from far away Boston could be so enchanting?
This was strolling through Fenway with y good friend after our movie tonight.

Homecooked Meal

So yesterday's photo of the day is our official home cooked meal in the new apartment that worked out phenomenal. I made flank steak with French beans and tomato and egg dish. Everyone enjoyed it!

I put a lot of things away today. Finally all my cloths is in the closet.

Goal for today: iron cloths, put shoes away? Stock bathroom.

Ready? BREAK!

Photos of the Day

So as Autumn is rolling around I'm thinking of doing something like a photo a day to see how it goes. I think it'll keep me sane and a new outlet to help me manage my stress better. Starting tomorrow! #newresolution

Yesterday was the start of the bowling league that I'm in. It is called "The Drifters" and I'm teamed up with this girl named Claire. I did horrible, but I guess that is what you get for not playing for 3 years. my avg used to be a 151 and now it is down to a 121. At least the only way from here is up!

 

Clarity

So the day has finally come where I feel as if I will never get more closure than what I discovered yesterday.

One of my good friends who is best friends with Virus told me what tipped my previous relatiosnhip over the edge. It was the moment, on that fateful Wednesday night where I offered to fly to Australia for a part of the summer to visit him. In his mind, that was the last straw. I had pushed our relationship over the edge.

Now I sit here and realize everything I replayed in my head for the past 6 months that could have destroyed my relationship had nothing to do with what really made it end. The questioning of why someone could say something as cruel as "I could never fall in love with you". Was it something about me? What was missing in my inner person that made it impossible for someone to love? None of it was close to what the final truth was.

In the very beginning, he didn't even want a relationship. Then he failed to mention to me that it was too fast for his liking, and when that final shove came, he came up with the cruelest way to make sure that I would never want to try again. The most heartbreaking words that someone can say to you is that you cannot be loved.

There were many factors to why we our relationship failed. Lack of communication, being on completely different pages (me moving to fast and him not even wanting a relationship he started), and moving too fast, indecisiveness, bad timing. I just never really realized any of what made it finally break until someone confirmed it.

I wanted to move forward and he didn't want to move with me at all.

Then I was hit with the most troubling question of all: "If I were to set it up, would you give him another chance?"

But would he even want to take that first step? And if I do dive in again, what makes it so that this time around he will be able to fall in love with me, open himself up to me.

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I'm supposed to miss you less everyday, but I just find myself missing you more and more.

 

I know that I don't even cross your mind anymore, and I still dream about the day that I will find you asking for me back. But we all know that isn't going to happen, because you could never fall in love with someone like me.

Lake House

Lake House

A part of me wants to forget everything about you, but a part of me is holding on to our memories for dear life

Permanent December

I had a dream last night, and you were in it.

It felt so real, sometimes I do wish that it was reality. It was a fall night and I saw you again for the first time. Long story short we kissed goodbye and that goodbye kiss felt exactly like how the movies portray it. In the dream we both felt that spark and surge so what happened was you called to meet with me and set up a room with candles and gave me a card that sang and told me that you loved me. I asked you what changed your mind and you said that it was that kiss and feelings like that must mean that you love me.

It was a perfect dream, all this time I've been telling myself that it isn't that I want you back but that I want to find a great love. Now which one is it? The great love or just you?

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Today was a fairytale....

Taylor Swift came on while I was watching Valentines Day on HBO Demand and it dawned on me. Something new that I learn everyday with the thoughts of you still bubbling inside me.

It isn't that I resent you for how you left me, or how we left things. It isn't that i'm bitter. It is the fear of how you remember me. The questions of if you see having been with me to be a regret.

I fear that when you think of me all you remember is what you didn't want, the regrets you have, the negatives... and not remember the good times that we had.

Sure I was and maybe still am in love with you, or I was just in love of the idea of you but it pains me that I have had no effect on you.

 

I feel as if I was your only regret and that is what pains me the most....

You still surround everything I do, everywhere I go, the air I breathe. I still can't seem to listen to Taylor Swift which you loved or let go of the impact everything that has anything to do with you has on me.

 

Another day, old wounds they never fade. I just hope its sunny tomorrow and hopefully that will keep me content one more day.

One day at a time.

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When guys say that they just want to be friends, it's insulting, because we know it's not the truth. Grow some balls and just be honest

Still thinking of you at the end of the day

Today was pretty uneventful. I went to a baby's first birthday party and then came home to Vilvoorde and helped my sister cook dinner. Afterwords we watched Life As We Know It and during the movie there seemed to be a lot of arguing.

Just because I am family (mind you I am currently living with my sister, her husband, and her son) I am expected to help clean up after I finish eating dinner? I can understand if I was eating by myself or if she asked me if I could lend a hand I would have gladly done it but she always nags on me like it's part of my responsibility.

She can't expect me to carry weight of her household chores but I would gladly help lighten her burden if she asked.

Time for me to sleep.... Calling it a night.

I still lay here in bed with thoughts of you racing through my head. I miss you

It's easier to be alone, because what if you learn that you need love and then you don't have it? what if you like it and lean on it? what if you shape your life around it and then it falls apart. Can you even survive that kind of pain? Losing love is lik

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